So You Think You Can Dance – 8/15/12

The top 14 dancers open with a Mia Michaels routine that involves ropes and flowers. Some of the dancers are dressed in black and some are dressed in white, so it might have something to do with weddings; Depressing weddings, not happy ones. It is also chalk full of Mia’s “artistic” moves…

Emmys: Mia, all you have to do to win an Emmy is teach people how to spazz out and get whiplash.

Mia Michaels: Okay, cool.

The opening routine is a little different than her other routines because she choreographes a make out session between all 14 dancers, respectively. She must have been really horny.

Tonight’s theme for the show is for all the dancers to perform dances that Mia choreographed for other dancers in So You Think You Can Dance’s past; A failed attempt to disguise laziness as a treat for America. Not to mention, a disaster waiting to happen.

Cyrus and Eliana do a repeat of Katie and Twitch’s routine, “Mercy,” which also involves kissing. Hopefully Mia gets her fix. Mary calls Eliana “Swaggerocious,” so that should give you an idea of how they do. NOT… Earth to Mary, that’s not even a word. They do a decent job, but the original with Katie and Twitch was way better. – Katie and Twitch – Cyrus and Eliana

Next, Tiffany and George perform Josh and Katie’s “Hometown Glory.” They actually do a really good job, but they don’t come close to performing the famous ‘assisted run’ even half as good as Katie and Josh did. Shocker. Lighting doesn’t strike twice people! They get overall good reviews from the judges, but are criticized for over-performing… go figure. – Joshua and Katie – Tiffany and George

Amelia and Josh are assigned Randi and Evan’s “butt dance,” which is ironic because Amelia has the most awkward butt in all of So You Think You Can Dance history, and probably world history. I was never really a fan of this number, but Randi and Evan grossed me out a lot less when they did it; At one point, Josh smacks Amelia’s ass and vibrates it with his hand. If you’re reading this, Mia Michaels, may I suggest online porn? Because what you’re making these people do is getting out of hand. – Randi and Evan – Amelia and Josh

Janelle and Darian perform Kerrington and Twitch’s “Dreaming with a broken heart” piece. Janelle makes the necessary comment that she’s a lot smaller than Kerrington so she’ll really have to stretch. Then, she shares with America that her eight-year relationship is a little rocky, and they “stopped talking like, three days ago” so she can relate to the story… TMI. The guest judge has no idea what Janelle and Darian’s names are because he refers to them as ‘the gentleman’ and ‘the young lady.’ Come on. Kerrington and Twitch’s version – Janelle and Darian

Audrey and Matthew dance Lacy and Neil’s “Time” routine about Mia’s dad. Nigel pretty much hated the way they do it. I’m not moved either, but I wasn’t really that into the original piece. After they perform, Nigel grills them on what they know about Mia’s dad for no apparent reason, and he proceeds to tell them that their performance wasn’t believable. – Lacy and Neil – Audrey and Matthew

Whitney and Keon set off to perform Heidi and Travis’ “bench” routine. That dance is untouchable, I thought, but Keon and Whitney actually give me chills. They even get a standing ovation. Keon doesn’t slump down the chair the way Travis did, which is disappointing, but they still do an amazing job. Nigel takes the honor of telling Mia’s story of how the flower represents Mia’s love for a gay man, and how he wasn’t able to accept her love, obviously, because he was gay. I’m sure Mia appreciates that. – The original.

Lastly, Lindsey and Cole do Kayla and Kapono’s “Addiction” routine. This routine made me cry the first time I watched it. Does little miss Lindsey compare? Not even close. They both butcher it. When Kayla performed, she was graceful and strong, yet had a sloppy and dependent quality that captured the essence of someone addicted to heroine. Watching her made me feel like I was actually addicted to heroine myself, in a good way. Kapono played the addiction role as dark, mysterious, and sinister. Lindsey on the other hand, looks stiff, yet flingy somehow. Cole acts like a demented robot, and I hated every second of it. Mary absolutely loves it; she obviously knows nothing. Nigel also loves it. Idiots. – Watch it. It’s just amazing.

This is the bad version. Shame on them.

I’m pretty sure that the only reason they don’t play more than a two second clip of the originals, is because all the originals are ten times better.

Cyrus and Eliana, Tiffany, Will, Audrey, Whitney, Keon and Cole are all safe. George is in danger along with Amelia, thank god. Janelle, Lindsey, and Matthew are also in danger. I’d be happy seeing any of those ladies go home.

All the dancers in the bottom are asked to “dance for their lives,” and four contestants will be going home tonight. Amelia is the first to perform and her dance is god-awful. Hopefully this is enough evidence for the judges that she deserves to go home. Janelle once again proves that she’s not very good at belly dancing, but at least she’s easier on the eyes than Amelia. Lindsey is the last girl to go, and let’s just say, she’s lucky that she’s up against the two weakest girls.

George is the first boy to go. His wardrobe choice is questionable but his solo is not bad. Darien is next and I think his solo put George’s to shame. Last to go is Matthew. Not a bad routine, but nothing groundbreaking. I think George has the weakest solo, but I think Matthew is the weakest in the actual routines.

Lindsey is safe, and that means goodbye to Janelle and Amelia; The world is right again. George is safe out of the boys, so Matthew and Darien are going home. Not exactly what I expected to happen, but I’m pretty much indifferent in the judge’s decision about the boys.

Who will go home next weekend? Will Mia Michaels choreograph anything new? How long will Cyrus be able to slip through the cracks with his zero technical training?

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