Bachelor pad – 7/30/12

The drama in the pad continues as love connections begin to form and emotions run high. Erica Rose is happy and relieved that she received a rose during the last elimination, and David worries that his plan to get her sent home has failed.

Everyone’s patience for the twins is running thin as they continue to bicker about who called who a slut. Rachel tries to mediate, but there seems to be a language barrier because she doesn’t speak clucking hen. When she gives up and walks away, the twins continue to argue in their matching pink dresses, making it even harder to tell them apart. As Jaclyn puts it, “I don’t even know who’s who.” However, based on what we know about them, it’s probably Brittany that was called a slut because it just makes the most sense.

The bachelor padians go outside and the next competition is revealed; A rhythmic gymnastics routine. The winning man and woman will receive a rose, and the man and woman that perform the worst will receive a vote against them in the elimination round.

Blakely, Jamie and Donna seem to be leading the girls’ team, and Michael and David seem to be heading up the boys’ team. The routine becomes the least of their worries when everyone sees the degrading leotard costumes they’ll have to perform in. Erica R even contemplates death by gymnastics ribbon noose.

Self proclaimed dancer Ashley Hebert and her husband JP show up to judge the contestants, accompanied by 2000 Olympic bronze medalist Tasha Schwikert. Slim pickings, ABC? The girls perform first and they look pretty much terrible. Everyone stands out as the worst one, especially Eric R. JP is so disgusted he can’t even clap.

The boys’ performance is a lot better than the girls’, and they don’t look nearly as fat. Michael does so well, that Donna confesses her salacious fantasy for him to tie her up with his gymnastics ribbons and dance around her.

The judges announce that the worst woman performer is Erica R, who has now lost two contests in a row. Blakely wins it for the ladies thanks to her past as a VIP waitress. It’s unclear exactly what that is but it probably involves dancing and certain gymnastic moves. Ed is voted the worst out of all the guys, and Michael is deemed winner. He should borrow Erica R’s crown; She clearly doesn’t deserve all the honor that comes along with such a beautiful accessory.

As winner of the men’s group, Michael gets to pick three women to accompany him on his date, thus commencing Donna’s mission to seduce him. Phase 1: slowly eat a banana. It seems to work because Michael selects Donna, Lindzi and Rachel to accompany him to a concert.

For some reason, delusional Donna seems to think she’s the only girl on the date and gushes that, “going on a date with Michael is like a dream… this is the best date I will ever go on in my life… I’m so happy right now.” Phase 2 of Donna’s mission: walk up to Michael on the dance floor ass first. But then Rachel butts in (with the front of her body) and makes out with him instead. Lindzi doesn’t seem to interact with Michael at all, and it doesn’t look like she cares to.

Donna pulls Michael aside and presents him with a detailed portrait that she drew of him.

He returns the favor with a romantic kiss; Leading someone on is always a nice way to give them a false sense of hope. Although, in his defense, Donna kisses like a stripper, and Rachel ends up getting the rose.

Back at the pad, everyone is celebrating Jamie’s birthday and Ryan confesses his love for her as he writes ‘happy birthday’ on her bed with Twizzlers. He gets her a balloon and flowers, and invites her to eat some sushi near the pool. Jamie clearly still has her sights set on Chris, and tells the cameramen that she and Chris are going to become partners. Ryan seems to pick up on this, and tells her that Chris was very forthright when he stated that he’d be staying with Blakely.

Jamie finds Chris hooking up with Blakely in bed, causing her to cry her eyes out. Nothing ruins the lingering taste of a sushi like unrequited love. Little does Jamie know that this is all a game for Chris, and he’s only showing affection to Blakely because she won the contest and has a rose to give away.

Blakely invites Chris, Ed, and David on her date to a racecar track, where the boys have to decorate their own soapbox racecar with paint. Ed, being the heaviest guy there, is the first to roll down the hill, thus winning the trophy. The rose, however, still looms over their heads.

David gets some alone with Blakely in the hot tub, and plays his underdog card. He promises Blakely that if she gives him the rose, she will have full control over his vote. Blakely sits down with Chris next, and asks him if he’s really into her. He says he is one million percent into her. Ed doesn’t get any time alone with Blakely, and Chris gets the rose at the end.

Everyone goes back to the pad that night and gets drunk. People start hooking up with other people, Ed is making love to his trophy, and Sarah stands alone. That is, until she gets Ed into bed, where they make weird, loud, inexplicable sounds.

The twins decide that they need to try cultivating some relationships with other people, but no one can stand being near them because of all the fussing they do. Their yelling wakes everyone up that night, and their fight continues for what appears to be hours. Eventually, Brittany calls it quits, effectively ending Erica T’s time in the house as well, and the two of them hit the road. It is unclear what is wrong with these twins’ brains, but before we go banning twins from the US altogether, we should take this time to remember how much joy the Olsen twins have brought to our lives and perhaps just let this one mishap go.

The entire house seems to take a deep breath upon the twins’ self inflicted dismissal. The housemates fill David in on the news, which means goodbye for David’s lover Erica T. Tough break, but not for Erica R; the twins leaving counts as the woman that goes home, and Erica R can now go by just Erica.

David is very worried that his head is on the chopping block, but it looks like everyone is voting to kick Ryan off. That is, until Reid rallies to kick Ed off because he apparently is trying to control the game. Reid convinces Sarah to vote Ed off despite her disturbing relations with him. She immediately regrets her decision when she realizes she just voted to remove the only person she likes. The tie-breaker seems to come down to Jamie, whom will decide Ed’s and Ryan’s fate.

Kalon, Reid, Nick, Tony, David, and Ed are safe.

Jamie made her choice to send home Ryan, who will have to enjoy his O’doul’s from his ownbachelor pad. Not to mention, he’s another day closer to celebrating his next birthday as a virgin which can’t be a good feeling.

Twelve people remain. Will Erica R lose the contest again next week? Will Ed ever forgive Sarah for voting against him? What’s with Jamie’s gloves? See you next Monday!

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