The Bachelorette – 7/9/12

This week’s episode takes place in Curacao. Emily does the usual recap of her feelings for the remaining bachelors. First Sean, who I think is going home, bee the wee, then baby Jef, and then Arie. She says the usual stuff about how she could see “insert name here” being a great husband, but then her eyes tear up when she talks about Arie. This means either that she loves Arie so much it makes her cry, OR that she plans to send him home and she feels bad. Only time will tell.

TO THE CHOPPA! Sean gets the first date with Emily for a tour of Curacao. This is where they keep the sand, and over there is the water. Emily and Sean are dropped off on their own private island so that nothing can distract them while they discuss very important things.

Emily: I heard you used to treat your girlfriends like buddies

Sean: Well, I just wasn’t really in love with them

Thank god Emily finally got to get that off her chest.

Emily twirls her hair and stares at Sean’s cleavage while she waits for him to tell her he loves her. He doesn’t. I thought this part of the date was pretty much really awkward.

They walk over to a cute little setup on the beach and Emily does some more fishing for those three magic words. Sean is oblivious. Blondes. Sean pulls out a letter to that he wrote for Ricki and it’s very nice. But, he has girl handwriting. Deal breaker? Liiike… Kind of.

Right before the Fantasy Suite is brought up, AKA the potential for sex, Sean finally tells Emily that he loves her. Well played. The two of them go into the hot tub in Emily’s suite and they talk about their favorite part of the day and make out. Then Emily makes Sean go home. Moms ❤ abstinence.

Next, Emily takes Jef on a boat ride. He refers to his relationship with Emily as “the masterpiece that’s being painted,” and says “the sun is setting here in Curacao, but me and Emily’s whole life is just starting,” or something like that. I hope Emily likes cheese.

After the boat ride, Jef and Emily sit outside at a romantic dinner table and he asks her a series of interview questions; where she wants to live and why none of her past relationships have worked out. Emily tries to say that there was no chemistry, but she can’t think of the word chemistry. Then, Jef asks if he’ll be a good fit with Ricki. Emily gives a long answer without really saying yes or no. She is a wizard at making answers with no real meaning sound excellent. It must be her backwoods hood-rat West Virginian accent.

Emily gives Jef the room key for the Fantasy Suite and asks him if he’d like to use it. Jef says that out of respect, he thinks that they should forego. A rejected Emily says that she wanted the chance to turn him down but she didn’t get it, hmph!

Emily also takes Arie on a boat ride. Two boat rides? Come on ABC. They see some conveniently placed dolphins- man-made dolphins if you ask me. Liiike… you can’t just pet wild dolphins.

Emily asks Arie what his favorite moments have been, and all of them involve kissing. Busted! Emily and Arie spend the rest of this portion of date making out. Just a couple ‘a horny teens, those two.

The next part of their date, of course, involves a fancy outdoor dinner. Arie and Emily talk about what they do on a daily basis. Despite Arie’s stupid shirt, I think their date is the best, and by that, I mean their dialogue is the least awkward. He talks about how he plans to be a part of Ricki’s life, and I think his answer is great. NAILLLED IT. Despite his spot on answer, Arie doesn’t get invited up to the Fantasy Suite or Emily’s suite even briefly. Perhaps Emily doesn’t trust her burning loins to be alone in a room with a man that burns rubber.

Emily gets a little teary eyed during her confessional about having to let one of the boys go. Poor Em just wants to keep dating her three boyfriends. I don’t think she’s asking too much.

Emily sits down with Chris Harrison for a short interview. She tells him she’s not ready to let any of the guys go and how it’s going to be such a tough decision and- ZzzzZzzz.

On a side note, I’m pretty sure Chris Harrison is in love with Emily. I think hearing her talk about other guys is breaking his heart. Emily starts crying under all the pressure, and I think Chris is going to cry just watching her.

Just before the rose ceremony, Emily watches videos of all the guys’ last pleas. I would feel so stupid if I had to make one of these videos. Heyyy, love yeww… yeah. I imagine it would sound something like that. I wonder if Chris Harrison writes all the scripts for them to read. It would probably be easy for him since he loves Emily.

After the videos, Emily just about loses it. Is it just me… or should it not be this hard to pick the person you like the best? She should ask Jef if there is such thing as a female dominated polygamous marriage. If not, my bucks are on Jef and Arie. Go home Sean!

Finally, we get to the rose ceremony. Emily makes a long speech that no one cares about because we just want to know who she eliminates. Jef gets the first rose. Duh. I wrote this before she even says it. Winning. Next is Arie. I also wrote this before she announced it. I know my Emily. Sean, if it’s any consolation, my roommate wants to marry you.

Sean handles Emily’s rejection better than she does. Stop crying Emily, you’re stealing Sean’s thunder. He’s obviously going to be the next bachelor… unless Arie is. Sean doesn’t even cry on his way home. Men.

Anyway, we’re down the wire here. Only Jef and Arie remain. The next episode is the reunion show, but after that is the final rose! It looks intense. GO JEF! Although, after seeing Arie’s out takes for his video to Emily, I kind of want him to win. I totally get how Emily feels now.

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