The Bachelorette – 6/25/12

This week, Emily Maynard goes to Prague with the six remaining bachelors.

Arie Luyendyk the race car driver is the first lucky guy to get the a one-on-one date with Emily, and he is hoping to race his way into her heart. Little does Arie know that Emily knows that Arie knows Cassie Lambert, a producer on the Bachelorette, and they used to date about a decade ago! Emily gets very pissed that Arie didn’t tell her, and rightfully so. NOT.

Emily spends most of her lunch with Arie interrogating him about his thoughts on loyalty and honesty, fishing for him to spill the beans about Cassie. He of course doesn’t bring it up because it would be weird and irrelevant.

Although ABC doesn’t have the rest of the conversation on tape, Chris Harrison stands in front of some bushes and explains in an awkward news reporter style clip that Emily, Arie, and Cassie reconciled the issue. Back at the ranch, everything is fine and between the two lovebirds and they are back to kissing. Oh, and Arie tells Emily he loves her; it’s casual.

The next guy to receive a one-on-one date with Emily is John “Wolf” Wolfner the Data Destruction Specialist, and he is hoping to destroy the data that Emily holds in her heart for the other bachelors. Wolf and Emily walk around Prague for a while, then go into a secluded cave for dinner where no one can hear Emily’s screams. Trust issues, being heartbroken, missed calls, awkward silences, yada yada yada. That Wolf really knows how to have a good time.

As soon as Wolf gets home he brags about how great his date with Emily was. “If I gave it a one to 10, I’d give it a 10. It was good, and we’ll leave it at that.” Like… What are you implying Wolf? After hearing that Wolf and Emily had a nice date, Sean Lowe the insurance agent takes it upon himself to run through the dark streets of Prague shouting “Emily! Emily!” in hopes to ensure that he gets a rose. He of course finds Emily standing alone in an alley. Where else would she be other than a dark alley, standing there, all by herself? “This is a nice surprise!” she says. “Surprise” my arse. They go into a pub and blah blah blah- commercial break.

The next day, Sean Lowe, Chris Lambton the landscaper, and loving father Doug Clerget take a horse-drawn carriage with Emily to a castle in Prague. Doug can’t stop talking about his stupid kid and kissing Emily’s ass. “First of all, thank you, Emily, for always being the most gracious host ever… hostess. I just really appreciate everything, especially you.” Get a life Doug. He actually apologizes to her when their legs accidentally touch. She of course sends him home after that.

As Emily is in the middle of explaining to Doug that he isn’t showing her any affection, he kisses her mid-sentence in a last-ditch effort. She says “thank you,” then picks up right where she left off and proceeds to dump him. So awkward.

Emily confesses to the camera that she was going to send Doug home last week but then basically felt bad for him and changed her mind. Doug’s small eyes struggle to hold back large tears as he confesses his ambitions for him and little Austin in his car ride for one.

The remaining bachelors on the date each get some time alone with Emily to try and win her over. During Sean’s alone time with Emily they chat about nothing in particular and share in a steamy make out session. Chris also kisses Emily during his alone time with her, but it’s yucky, because Chris is yucky and Sean obviously gets the immunity rose. Emily tells Chris not to take it personally, and why would he? It’s never personal when your girlfriend chooses her other boyfriend over you.

Jef Holm the entrepreneur receives the third and final one-on-one date with Emily, and he hopes to start a company called Husband and Wife Inc. The two of them play with marionettes for the first part of their date, and then leave the doll store with a girl marionette and a boy marionette, respectively. Sweet little Jef runs back into the store to buy one for Emily’s daugher Ricki; game changer. It really makes me question why Emily didn’t think to do that; she must not love Ricki as much as Jef does.

After a preliminary round of playing with dolls, Emily and Jef go to a big library and continue to play with the dolls some more. They engage in a sort of puppet show that makes me feel uncomfortable, and Jef’s doll tells Emily’s doll that he’s in love with her. Nice.

Although I think the first part of their date was akward, When they laid down on the floor together and talked to each other it was really nice. Jef wins the “conversation of substance” award because they actually talked about real things like cohabitating before marriage and who will be the disciplinarian to their children.  Jef tells Emily he wants to “date her so hard and marry the f*** out of her.” Sold. I hope Jef wins.

Emily cancels the cocktail party and wants to cut straight to the rose ceremony. Jef, Sean and Arie get a rose, and there is one rose left between Chris and Wolf. That’s when Chris interrupts the ceremony to pull Emily aside and makes sure Emily knows just how desperate he is. Despite my advice to Emily, she  gives Chris the last rose. Looks like it’s time for Wolf to return to his one-man-wolfpack.

What an episode! Will Doug ever find a mommy for little Austin? Will Wolf ever stop going by the name Wolf? Which bachelor’s family will Emily like the best? Which family will hate Emily the most? Will Chris Harrison ever work things out with his ex wife?

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